page 39

Subject: Let me get things straight with you….

From BoPeep

To MackAttack

Date 01/22 11:01 a.m.

Dear Mack,

Don’t get mad, I just really have to say this. I’ve been thinking about it a lot. I’ll be late to the doctor’s appointment but it’s really important for me to write this to you.

Mack, you just really aren’t there for me. You’re so caught up in your life and with Diana that you don’t hear me. I feel like we’re on different sides of a mountain. That really makes me sad, Mack. It’s like you’re never really going to come back to me, and maybe you were never really there for me. Maybe I was just making it all up in my mind. Maybe everything I remember is stuff that I made up to cope, huh? I never thought my family was normal. I don’t know what you are talking about there. I always knew that my family was totally abnormal and weird. I mean, my Mom tried to serve beer to kids at my 10th birthday party! Only the two other mothers who stayed to chaperone (her I’m sure) prevented her from it. Don’t you remember that time when Mom started serving you shots of Jack Daniel’s and insisting that you had to do at least three shots before we could go to the movie? I mean, that was fun. You were totally fucked up at the movie and kept giggling and doing really stupid things. What, were you 15 years old or something? You thought my Mom was cool…but she told me later that if I hadn’t been there she would have taken advantage of your young ass as a favor to me. She thought it would be good if she showed you the ropes……so you’d boink me right. I’m not kidding, Mack. I’m trying to forget all this stuff, and it keeps coming back up.

Diana reminds me of a young version of my own mother. Totally self centered, over sexed, and arrogant as hell. Fuck her. She’s as fucked up as my mother, only she’s made the wise decision to NOT have kids, yet. Hope she doesn’t ever. No kid should have a life like I’ve had. Fuck her. Fuck you for liking her. You know you really aren’t in love with her….you just always like to pretend it’s love if your dick is getting wet. I know that’s it.

Mack, I am so angry and so upset and so full of tears and snot and oozing venom. I mean, it’s like something got opened that I can’t close off. I can’t push it back down. I hate everyone and everything one moment, the next I’m afraid that everyone will leave me and I can’t bear to lose anyone else in my life. I can’t explain it, but it’s like the dream I had when I finally dozed of for a few minutes. It was awful. I’m in the bottom of a mine shaft….and hearing people talking far above my head……but I can’t get up to them or see them, and they look down (I can’t make out their faces) and they throw things down, but don’t help me out. When I ask them to help me they just tell me about themselves and why they can’t help me. Bo said that I woke up crying and shaking. She said that I was crying out and whimpering in my dream and she said that I was shaking really badly. She’s really concerned. She thinks that the Doctor can help.

I’ll write sometime. I don’t know. Soon. Keep care. Don’t get hurt Mack. I have bad feelings about the boat. I’m really afraid that I’m really going to lose you.

Aimee

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