part 19

Subject: o.k.

To: BoPeep

From: MackAttack

Date: 05/28      8:15 a.m. PDT


I am OKAY.

More to follow when there is time.




Subject: Hey, stranger

To: MackAttack

From BoPeep

Date: 6/10         7:11 a.m. PDT

Dear Mack,

Glad to hear a word from you. What’s keeping you so busy? It’s busy all the way around, though. Believe me.

So, life has been rolling along around here. My Dad has a second kid, now. His wife just had a little girl, and they named it after me. So, now they have a boy, named after my brother and a girl named after me.

I guess it’s kinda sweet.

Do you think I’m weird that I think it’s just a little creepy. I mean, if I ever meet my little sister it will be “hi Aimee, it’s me Aimee”. But, I doubt that I will from the stuff I’ve been hearing about my Dad’s wife. I mean, she told my brother that we weren’t welcome, ever. My brother called to wish Dad a happy fathers day and his wife intercepted the call and refused to let him on the phone. I guess Dad said something like “who is it” and without even covering the phone she said, “Just one of those pesky salespeople.” Then she hung up. What NERVE!

Bo says that my family is getting as screwed up as her family.

I didn’t tell you that Bo and Martha both know my brother, you remember my brother V, right. I know you met him a couple of times.  Bo hangs with him and his friends all the time! (What a small world, yada yada, whatever.) V was over in the house one day and I walked by the kitchen and it was like “what the hell?” I almost didn’t remember who he was.   So, anyway, I’ve been hanging out with my brother. That’s new, isn’t it? I NEVER thought I’d say this, but V is really cool. You knew him, didn’t you?

He has a really nice boyfriend, some guy he went to high school with. Maybe you remember Quentin? They’ve been together for ten years. And now that it’s no big secret that he’s gay, he’s really relaxed with me. He still doesn’t want me to tell Mom, and he says that Gil isn’t related to him, but I don’t know if that’s true, because every time he says that he adds “as far as I’m concerned”. I don’t know the story there, but I think Gil did something to V, and he’s still mad about it. I can’t imagine what that might have been, but with Gil, who knows.

He loved the story about Gil, Mom and Mercedes. He thought that after I left that even Mom probably went down on the dog. We laughed about it, but I really don’t think that she did. V is really mad about Dad and his wife. I mean, he’s been trying to talk me into flying to North Carolina where they life and just “dropping by” for Dad’s birthday. I have a month to think about it before we’d have to buy tickets. V will pay for part of mine, if I don’t have the money, he’s THAT set on me going. He thinks that a family intervention is what’s needed. I don’t know what he has in mind, but it’s all he talks about. I would like to go somewhere, I haven’t had a vacation in a long time.

One of the roommates is moving out, so the rest of us (Martha, Bo and Kev and I) are going to paint the room before we put in an ad for a new tenant. So next Saturday and Sunday is paint the room day. I’ve never painted a whole room before so this should be really fun. I really want to learn how to paint. (Can you believe it’s ME saying this? I might break a nail, you know?)

Well, Mack. I’ve been going on and on about everything under the sun, and now I’m really sleepy. I’m going to try and get some sleep on my last day of the weekend, before I must get up at 7 to go to work for five days.

Hope all is well with you.

Love, Aimee


Subj:    Is everything okay? I’m worried

To: MackAttack

From:   BoPeep

Date: 6/30          9:15p.m. PDT

Dear Mack,

I don’t know why you haven’t written me. I hope you’re okay. I’m sort of getting concerned that something has happened, because usually you’re so good about answering me back. Well, I’ll assume that you are just busy, or tied up. (That’s a joke, Mack.)

Painting was a blast. Bo, Kev, and Martha and I painted Tina’s old room. It took all day Saturday and we had to put on two coats of paint (not the blonde joke where the blonde puts on two fur coats.and is laying in a pool of sweat. Gee, I hope you’ve heard it, because I can’t tell jokes very well.) That’s a lot, huh? We worked as a teams –Martha and Bo, and Kevin and I . It made it realy go fast, because we’d race to get a wall done. The losing team had to go get ice cold beer. We were all pretty drunk by the time the room was done.

We won once, lost three times. Bo and Martha really got into this team thing. Bo would do all the cut-in and Martha would roll the walls and ceiling like a madwoman. Kev and I had the harder walls….(we think) because there was more rolling, and less cut in. But, it was fun. The room is now a creamy beige color (sort of like coffee with a lot of milk) and the trim is bright white. It’s so nice that Bo has decided to move into that room (it’s right next to mine), and so, next weekend we’re going to paint Bo’s room. Kev wants Bo’s room, because it has a bigger closet. So, then the week after that we’ll paint Kev’s room. Then, they’re going to help me paint my room. (I’m not moving though. I like my room.)

Then, we’re talking about painting the front room and the kitchen because they need it too. I’m really jazzed about this, it makes me feel like I really belong here. It’s so nice to do this stuff. Hope I don’t need to go to AA after it’s done.

My Mom has passed the first step to get a Chinese kid. She’s supposed to start her “home study” soon. I still think it’s a mistake. This process is so long, that I’m hoping she gets bored or changes her mind, or fails some part of the process. But, now, all of a sudden, she’s restarted asking me to have a baby for them. It’s like she comes and visits, brings me some really expensive gift….and is really, really nice…..and then right before she leaves she says “Honey, just think about giving your stepfather and I a very special gift.” The guilt is killing me. I just don’t want to, but she’s been so nice, it’s hard to keep saying NO.

She thinks that Bo and I are girlfriend/girlfriend. So, now Bo will come up and give me a kiss on the head when my Mom is there. I think Bo just likes screwing with my Mom. She’s taken to calling her “Mom” which makes my Mom’s face get all red and scrunched up. I don’t think she likes the idea. (V is getting a kick out of hearing how Bo made Mom’s eyes bug out. V thinks it’s just awful that Mom is trying to be a Mom again. I mean, he points out how she never went to any of our school stuff, never joined the PTA, or even got up to see us off to school. V is the one who made my lunch until I was old enough to do it for myself. He even did my laundry.

I had a guy over for the first time on Friday night. That was weird. I mean, the guy is nice enough when he was here, and he insisted on seeing where I live….and Kev and Bo just hovered. I could feel them sort of hanging out in the kitchen, whispering, and peering in. The guy, his name was Buddy. No, really! I asked the guy up to my room….not to boink him as much as just to get him away from the roomies. I think he got the wrong idea. I kept telling him NO, that I just couldn’t do it, not with everyone home and all. So, we talked for a while, then we went for a drive in his car. Buddy drove to the beach and we made out for a while and, well, one thing moved to another, and next thing I know he’s got my unders off….and it was just awkward. I mean, it’s been so long since I’ve had anyone do anything like that….I didn’t know what to do. (Good thing I had a rubber in my purse, still.) Anyway, he was really gentle at first….then he fumbled around the glove box and brought out some KY…and I thought maybe I was just dry from not doing anything for so long.

In one rapid move he just moved from one place to another, if you get my drift, and I screamed like a stuck pig. It really hurt. It wasn’t like he had even given me any warning at all. It was a total ambush. It wasn’t like that time that you and I tried it, and I started laughing so hard. This wasn’t funny and interesting, it was like a rape. I mean, he had his hands firmly on my hips and I couldn’t squirm away, and he wouldn’t stop and he wouldn’t listen to me…and I was begging him to stop. I was half naked and screaming in his car, in a public place. I had big tears rolling out of my eyes. The more I squirmed and struggled the harder he held me, and the harder he thrust his hips. I mean, it hurt so much.

Finally, he stopped and said he was sorry, but he didn’t get out of me. He kissed my neck, and he kept telling me that I was good “and tight”, and that I should shut up or he’d “give me something to really cry about”.   It was so gross. I couldn’t get away, he was really strong, and he had me really wedged between the seats. he kept telling me “and I can’t stop now it wouldn’t be good, so be quiet and relax and you’ll enjoy it.” I didn’t though. It hurt so much. I tried to think about other things, but he kept pounding away at me. It went on forever, Mack. It was horrible. Then, he just finished, and threw the rubber out the window, and zipped up, and told me to get dressed. Then he told me I was a big baby, but it was really good. I had a great “pucker puss”. (Just the thought of that makes me sick to my stomach, but figured you’d enjoy the phrase.)

He asked me if I wanted to go out and get something to eat. He kept trying to make conversation with me. The freak! I kept saying “No, I want to go home.” I think he finally figured out that I wasn’t fun. He drove me home and I got out, without even finding my underwear. I went in and everyone was gone, or in their rooms. I was so glad. I mean, I would just be mortified to tell anyone, but you. I went and took a long shower, and I’m still not “right”. It hurts.

I don’t know why I’m telling you this, but I need to tell someone. I mean, I’m mad, and upset, and just can’t understand why bad things keep happening to me. I’m so ashamed. I don’t tell Bo or Martha, because they’ll just tell me that’s what I get for hanging out with guys. I want to ask Kev, but I’m too embarrassed.

So, I’ve decided to forget dating. I mean, I can’t pick them, can I? What did I do wrong? I don’t get it. I mean, he seemed nice. But, he wasn’t. (Certainly NOT my butt’s “buddy”, was he?)

My job is going well. I’m really enjoying it, but getting up every morning is kind of old. I did the big display ad that was a full page on Sunday. Did you see it? I’m really proud of it. To make ends meet, though, I’m going to take a part time, just two nights a week, at Jackson’s Pub. I need the money, and I don’t have any social life to get in the way of working more. I mean, no more. I’m not going to go out any more. I’ve had enough. No one wants to love me, anyway. I mean, look at the failed relationships and total fuck ups I’ve had.

Well, I hope all is well with you. I wish you’d write back. Please?


Love, Aimee


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