part 11

Subject: Life is only getting weirder

To: MackAttack

From: BoPeep

Date: 12/01  11:10p.m.

Dear Mack,

The police still don’t know where Davey/Roberto is. He called me a few days ago. He told me he really loves, and he’s sorry, and he wanted to see me. I told him NO. I yelled at him. I kept saying NO. It wasn’t like I was thinking because I could have said “yes, come on over” and then called the police. I don’t know. He said that once he was exonerated of all the charges he’d come back and keep care of me, and we could have a real life together.

For a split second, I almost fell for it.

But, right when I started getting soft and feeling sorry for him, I got another call and it was some people at Discover Card and they were asking about some unauthorized charges. These were telephone charges for big ticket items. They also wanted to verify the ship TO address. (I wrote it down!) and I told them that it wasn’t my purchase. Then, I clicked back on the phone and told Davey that I didn’t EVER want to hear from him again and slammed down the phone.

I was really upset.

But it was weirder than that. He called back, and he called back, and he called back. I didn’t answer it. I just let it go to the machine. I was crying so hard. I mean, he’ s the only guy who has told me he loves me and wants me and wants to make a life with me for a long time. But he’s just a liar. He was just trying to use me.

Of course, then it dawned on me that the police could trace the calls, or something like that. (I saw it on a TV show, what do I know?). I called the number they’d given me, and told them everything, and gave them the address. It was all like “thank you ma’am”. I don’t know. I felt like they were just being nice, and I was crazy or something.

Get this! A little while later he came by. Mack, he had a key! I changed my locks weeks ago. Somehow he still has a key. Good thing I had the landlord install a chain on the door and a night lock. Davey couldn’t get in, so he started banging on the door and hollering for me to open it. I was so scared I went and stood in the darkened bedroom and cried. I was just so afraid. I didn’t want to face him. Then I came to my senses and called 911. It didn’t take long before the cops were struggling with him it the hallway. It sounded really ugly. I tried to look through the peep-hole, but they weren’t right in front of my door.

I’ll bet that Davey was coming into my apartment all the time. It explains why the shower floor would still be wet when I came home. And, a few weeks ago I could have sworn that someone was standing over me in my sleep. I thought it was a dream. What if it wasn’t? That’s so scary. He could have murdered me!

I hope this is over, now.

I broke down at work last night, and Martha said I should move. She has a room open in her house, one of her roommates is leaving. She offered it to me. I don’t know, yet. What do you think?

There are 4 roommates, total. And, the rent would be so much cheaper almost 1/4 of what I’m paying. Martha and I have never been close, as she’s lesbian and all. It’s like a cultural difference.

I’m thinking about it.

I hope I hear from you soon. I told my Mom about this whole thing with Davey and she just burst out laughing. Can you believe it? She LAUGHED. She thought it was the funniest thing she’d ever heard. My Mom is so weird sometimes. She wasn’t concerned. She just told me to quit looking for Mr. Goodbar, and keep a bat under my bed.   Can you believe her? That was it. So much for maternal concern. But, that’s my Mom. You were probably right, she would have loved Davey.

You know, I always play dumb, and try and not talk about it. But I know that she came on to all of my boyfriends. I’m pretty sure she even slept with a few. She always claimed that she had been drinking and didn’t know what she did.

At least this new guy is keeping her more controlled. Remember that time she came down the stairs wearing nothing but a hat and heels when we were leaving for the Prom? She thought that was so funny–taking our picture, with us all dressed up and her wearing nothing at all. I was totally embarrassed by it. You were so cool. I still can’t believe you never did respond at all. You didn’t even give her the satisfaction of a raised eyebrow. She hated you for that, you know.

Love, Aimee



Subject: Well, duh!

To: BoPeep

From: MackAttack

Date: 12/03  9:29p.m.

Dear Aimee,

You’re too trusting, yeah, that’s one way of putting it. But, I think too much. I should be more feeling and just believe all the crap we both learned in our liberal arts schools about how any suspicion about people is really a sign of intolerance and bigotry. I should cultivate right brain sickness and toss my life into the chaos where everything is seen as an isolated incident and there are no patterns. I should join the damned who mindlessly chase trends.

How could Davey do this to you? What had you ever done to him? You trust people who kiss your ass and not the friend who kicks it when you need it. I know how he did it to you and why, but how he could allow himself to do it is a mystery. And the way you play life right now, you’ll be lucky if you are some man’s well-kept pet and not his prey animal. You’ve just been a prey animal.

I got ripped-off by Daphne, too. But it’s different. When I am the victim, it is also all my fault. Basically, it was the same as what happened to you, the mistake of trusting someone who had a wholly selfish hidden agenda.

Let’s get this straight: I won’t take a man’s side in the gender war just because he is a man. There is no brotherhood. I think you should get a gun, and if he gets out of prison and comes for you, blow his head off.

But, ooo, guns. Ooo. I must be a Republican or something.

I can’t give you what you really need, not right now. I don’t have the money to put you up in a luxurious ivory tower where you can get bored after two days and call in your “friends” to party and trash the place. And I no longer have the legal right to round you up and put you in a nunnery.

This is my own hunger for justice speaking, honey. It is a rage in my belly. I don’t wish I didn’t have it. I don’t want to be a psychopathic monster born without a soul.

People will want you to not believe you had anything to do with this. They want you to experience intellectual guilt, Aimee. The guilt of being stupid. I know what that is like. But I don’t have a piece of paper that gives me the right to contradict professional experts.

Do you know how much I wanted to love you deeply and truly when we were together? But you wouldn’t listen to me. There was always something more important to do, some other distraction that was more interesting. Daphne seemed to listen to me at first, but she was really just listening to me complain about you. Afterward, once she had me, she felt secure to seal her mind and hear no more. I still wonder why everything I said bounced off, or would go in, rattle around, and a week or so later come back out as something she thought of.

While still in school, I wrote a term paper for her and it got an A. I said, “Wow, I did well,” and she went nuts. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. She had made herself believe she wrote the paper. I was too stunned to argue, but that wasn’t enough. She demanded I apologize for trying to take the credit. She accused me of trying to make her think she was crazy.

Enough of this. I’m going to play some two-part inventions and get back to sanity. Lucidity.

Tell me more of what happened. You said you haven’t told me the whole thing yet. I will try to be nice and caring, but it’s so hard for me to keep my lip zipped and just smile when it comes to you.

Love, Mack


subject: You do love me, don’t you?

To Mack Attack

From bopeep

date: 12/06        11:19p.m.

Dear Mack,

Your letter was so caring. I cried. It’s the most concern that you’ve shown in a long time. I know, that I need to read between the lines with you, and read around the mean things you say. I don’t think you really mean them, it’s just how you express yourself. Right, sweetie? I want to thank you for still being there, after all these things I’ve done to screw up my life. Thank you.

Mack, I DID try listen to you, but I don’t think that you could see it. I loved you more than Daphne ever could. All I wanted to be was yours, and just yours. I used to dream about how I’d live with you and cook you dinner, and sit by the fire and sit at your feet and you would pet my head. I’m NOT kidding. I loved it when you would stroke my head. No one has ever taken the time to do that for me, ever. mean, I’ve asked, but people just look at me strangely. (Well, wait, honestly Davey would stroke my head, but that was after beating me. Didn’t count.)

You just weren’t ready to have anyone love you the way I did. I know, it sounds trite, but you were my first and only love. But, somehow, I just wasn’t enough for you. But, I know that you are still the only person who really understands me. And, from your letter I can tell that you DO still care.

Forever yours, Aimee/Jayzoo

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